The essence of detachment

Detachment is simply watching the events that are unfolding around you, getting involved only when the journey is part of the experience. It is the art of ‘ not reacting ‘ to the actions of others most of the time because it is not in your best interests most of the time. It is the ability to walk away when you want to, today and every day.

Detachment is stepping back from an experience to allow room for God to do His or Her part. It is giving up control and let God be the key influence in our lives. It is understanding that God is the deciding factor in our lives and not ourselves. Doing this fills you with peace and a sense of empowerment.

There are two things that can prevent us from being detached: The first is-Trying to make something your business that is not your business, trying to control that which is not yours to control. The second is-Letting someone else’s behaviour decide how I feel about myself. Not doing these will make you more peaceful and contented.

Detachment is making no one a project. You are your only project! Fully embracing this idea gives you so much freedom to the many things you have been born to do. Others are in your lives for a reason, but they are not present as your works in progress.

Detachment means not trying to control every move of a friend or loved one. That need comes out of insecurity- we fear abandonment or rejection. So when you do that, you might feel secure momentarily but you can always expect them to try to escape. So you will end up feeling insecure and unhappy.

Detachment means giving up outcomes. Your job is the effort, not the outcome. Leave the outcome to God. Do your part and let go of the rest. You will become peaceful.

Detachment means letting the solutions determined by God. Don’t attend to situations that belong to others and let God be part of every situation that involves you. This will result in an outcome that offers us peace of mind and the most beneficial solution for all.

Detachment is the understanding that we are never the cause of someone’s actions and no one can cause us to act in a particular way.

Detachment is getting over ‘it’ whatever ‘it’ is. Fully accept whatever is happening as part of the plan for you today.

When we are involved in the plans, the problems, the details, and the actions of others, whether friend, spouse or child, we have less time to attend to ourselves. Let them go, release them to make their own mistakes, choices and dreams. Supervise your kids but don’t let that be your whole life. Then you will find you will always have enough time to do what you are called to do.

To detach is not unloving
It’s giving space to our loved ones to grow.
It’s the kindest gift we can give a friend
It’s the kindest gift we can give to ourselves.

Choice is a wonderful thing
Choosing wisely is even better.
A wise choice, often, is to do nothing.

Let the chaos that others create be theirs to resolve.
It’s okay to leave a room or a conversation if the tension is rising.
Let’s not let anyone decide how we feel.
The past is gone. Do not try to resurrect it.

God is the only partner we need to complete our life.
Attachment to God is good; attachment to others is bad.
When others criticize us, remember, it’s really about them.
Our happiness reflects how we are living, not how others are living.
Changing a thought about anyone or any situation might be the first step to changing the rest of your life.

Not playing God means freedom.
Living with integrity promises living with a peaceful heart.
Knowing what is not our business is a glorious realisation.
Some say there are two kinds of business: “my business” and “none of my business”

Being a living example of detachment is being a great teacher.
Doing the next right thing is not a mystery. Ever.
Give up seeking to be the center of someone’s life.Now!
To stand apart from our friends does not mean we are not joined in love.

Your life is never, ever dependent on what someone else is doing. This is a good thing!
Letting the whims of others control you means you will live a very uncertain, generally troubled life. Do you want that?
Being solely responsible for how you feel is an adjustment at first, perhaps. Bu then it’s empowering.

Backing away from an invitation to get involved in the affairs of someone else is smart.
What someone else is doing or how they treat us has nothing to do with who we are.
Witnessing for others may well be the kindest gift we can offer. This act frees us from any form of interference
Get over getting someone back! Now. We will never find peace unless we do.

Caring first for ourselves, and not others, is not being selfish.
Giving up control over someone else takes more than just wishing it. Much more.
Everyone’s journey is unique to them. When we interfere, we delay their process.
Letting someone else be angry is a sign of growth and freedom.

What a relief it is to let things be as they are.
Our minds only go where we give them permission to go.
Accepting others as they are feels like a holiday.
The practice of detaching does not mean being rude.
We can still be loyal to our friends and loved ones and detach from them.

Let go of the opinions of others.
Let go of the effect of your behaviour on others.
Let go of the outcome of your actions and the many situations about you and your loved ones.

One moment at a time-that’s all we have. And that’s all the time we need to detach.
Being accountable for ourselves only is the best assurance of living detachment.
Learning to detach from our most difficult companions pays huge dividends.
Detachment may not look like unconditional love, but it is.
Making someone a hostage makes us a hostage, too.

There is no timeline in learning how to detach. We have all the time we need. But the more quickly we begin the practice, the more peaceful our lives will be.
Progress, not perfection, is the outcome we should seek.
Dismissing or discounting someone is definitely not detachment.
Praying for the willingness to let others have their own journeys is the first step to letting go of them.
When in doubt about how to respond in any situation, choose silence for sixty seconds at least.

Detachment is a choice.
Unconditional love is a choice.
Giving up control is a choice.
Being afraid is a choice.
Choosing to be peaceful is a choice.
Choosing to act, and not react, is a choice.
Trusting our companions to live their own lives is a choice.

The power of imagination can’t be overstated.
Visualise yourself being lovingly detached first.
There is no race to the finish line. We are all works in progress.
You assignments cannot be fulfilled if your attention is on someone else, and not on the work you are here to do.

Praying for willingness in every attempt to change our behaviour is the first and most important step.
Blaming others for our unhappiness is so tempting.
We keep our focus where it belongs. There is little doubt about where that is.
When the chaos calls, leave.
Seeking the silence of our inner space is the solution when others are trying to entrap us in their darkness.

Every day is rife with choices. Let’s be careful about those that we make.
We are the thinkers, the creators, of our thoughts. Thoughts don’t mysteriously appear in our minds. We change them if we are not feeling peaceful.
The chaos that others choose to experience doesn’t have to garner our attention.
Unconditional love has many expressions. Detachment is one of them.
We cling to people when we are afraid. Seek God, instead in those moments.

Where has our focus been lately? If it’s been on someone else, it’s time to refocus.
Our own life goes wanting if we mind someone else’s business.
Sit quietly in the company of others as practice. We don’t have to speak. How freeing this realisation is.
Giving our loved ones over to God is a great gift to them. And an even better gift to us.

Witness for your fellow travellers, rather than giving them unwanted suggestions.
Be responsible for yourselves and let others take responsibility for themselves.
Learn to treasure silence, as your answers live there.
Learn the value of surrendering your need to control anyone and any situation.
Learn the difference between unconditional love and  control and become adept in backing off, allowing others and ourselves to be free.
Learn how attachment differs from detachment
Do not let the behaviour of others control us or define us.
Learn the value of prayer in changing everything.

and remember

Where ever we are, God is present.
Whoever comes our way is part of our learning curve.
We have the power to change how we think.
Appreciating the journey of everyone else is what gives my journey purpose.
Peaceful feelings follow peaceful actions
The chaos of others need not attract us.
No argument demands our participation
Acting, rather than reacting is blissful. To witness another’s journey is all we are ever called to do.
Our teachers are everywhere. Silence may be the best response we can make in myriad situations.
There are two kinds of business: your business and none of your business.
Taking no hostages is the surest way to peace.

from the book- Let go now by Karen Casey


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