On love and fear

Don’t look for love. Create it with whoever you meet. Don’t look for respect. Be humble and sow the seeds to be respected and cherished. Don’t look for kind words. Speak to others kindly and you will get it naturally. Don’t have ill motive for money, gain and possessions from others and you will gain others’ trust, confidence and help. Don’t find and magnify your own endless problems but solve, listen to and find solutions for others’ turmoil. Then you will grow within and without.

Loving others does not mean you neglect yourself. It just means you find better ways to love yourself through others.

We transform our minds because we love people – we love our parents, our spouses, our lovers, our friends and the people around us. We transform our minds out of love. It is not something negative that we have to do.

Serve your parents, drive them around, feed them, call them, take care of them, massage them, make time for them, listen to them, listen to them tell the same story 5000 times, smiling and happily ask them what happened again and again and again. Do you know why? That is all that is left. And when I speak about parents, I mean anyone who has been kind to you.

Everything that we have is only for a very, very short time. And the most important thing in our lives are the people who care about us – these are the people who have loyally stayed with us and who have been by our side through our bad habits, bad temper, bad words and anger. It is these people – who have stayed with us over time – who are important. In the end, we might lose everything except these people.

Everyone disappoints you. Do you know why everyone disappoints you? Because you are hanging on to a projection, you are hanging on to how they should be, you are hanging on to how you should be treated. You are not thinking about them, you are not thinking about others. You are thinking about yourself. That is why you become depressed.

Being lonely is something that everyone fears. What they do not understand is that loneliness is a state of mind, it is not who you are with or not with. You could be with someone and be extremely lonely- you cannot relate to them or understand them. When some people are with other people, they are even lonelier than they were without anyone. Some people are alone but not lonely.
Loneliness is not about being with someone or having to be with someone. Loneliness is a state of mind where we do not accept who we are inside and what we need to improve. We therefore need to be distracted with other people to make us look away from ourselves.
Loneliness is not about being somewhere, being something, having something or being with someone. Loneliness is about not daring to look at our faults and pushing towards improvement, and therefore, wanting to be distracted from what we see in ourselves that we do not like. So we surround ourselves with loud music, parties, beautiful people, friends, music, books…We want to have anything and everything to not think about what we are inside.

COMPASSION: Compassion is realising that others want the same thing as we do. But we also realise that they are more and each of us are only one, so working for the majority is correct.

A wish- granting jewel can confer on you material gains but a negative person or a person who hurts you can confer on you Enlightenment because they give you the greatest opportunity to practise patience, compassion and love. They are the greatest test to see if you have compassion and love.

The secret is to accept people as they are and not what you have mentally made them into – as monsters or as angels. All monsters are wrongly afflicted perceptions. And so are all angels.

The people who complain, have difficulties, who are bitchy and problematic, the people who don’t transform, and the people who create gossip and problems – forgive them, love them, transform them by your example, and give them hope and courage by your persistence and effort of not giving up. Do not criticise, gossip, talk about them, write about them or say things about them, but in response to their harm, give them benefit.

To hate and to have hate is not reality because it is based on afflicted emotion. Hatred or anger is not natural, it is not permanent, it is not your real state of mind. And afflicted emotions do not focus on reality or how the object is really existing; it is how we perceive them.

Compassion, this ability to love others, regardless of what they do to us, is our true nature.

GOD and BUDDHA cannot get rid of hatred but a development of love within ourselves can. Forgiveness is the start.

You experience compassion when you give it, not when you get it.

-Tsem Tulku Rinpoche