We all have this intrinsic awareness. We need to rest in this intrinsic awareness and allow the contents of the mind to appear and disappear without grasping, aversion or fear. Once that happens, there is comfort and ease. To rest in this intrinsic awareness and pay attention and see things as there without wanting to change anything is what brings about true change. It seems simple but is not easy. When this happens, we really know what the body, the feelings, the thoughts are, and what we really are.
We yearn to rest in this intrinsic awareness when we are not satisfied with the way our life is, in some aspect or the other. The paradox, however is, one can rest in this intrinsic awareness only if we accept the way things are. The journey, for some reason, is still necessary. The aspiration to rest in the intrinsic awareness is also necessary. In some ways, it is a new way of living, where one rests in this awareness rather than constantly being pulled and pushed here and there and to do that one has to let go, one has to surrender and one can call that an effortless effort, may be. We also need to be curious, in the sense of being open to what happens, rather than wanting something specific to happen. We also need to be kind and compassionate to everything that exists or arises, including yourself. We also need to let go in a kind and compassionate way what disturbs us being in that awareness.
All this first starts to happen, when we read something or meet somebody who sort of embodies this awareness and we then aspire to it. We then do some form of practice which gives us glimpses of this awareness. Then that may give us the conviction that we want to go all the way. That is when the aspiration really becomes strong. For most of us, the conviction is really not there and that is the issue. Once the conviction is there, one just practices being in the intrinsic awareness irrespective of whether it gives us pleasurable experiences or not.For we have then surrendered to that intrinsic awareness and deep down, we somehow know that this is the path. Once we have done that, we can rest in the background stillness, no matter what happens. But that does not happen in a day or sometimes even in a decade. That is why practice resting in the awareness is necessary and extending the practice to our moments of life where there may not be quiet in the sense of what quiet means. But quiet is in the background of everything and that is what we need to rest in. Simple but not easy.
Having a place, a time, a ritual for doing the practice is useful, just like a growing plant needs to be protected from too much wind by a protection. Once the awareness becomes stronger, then you may not need the protection. You may still keep it as something that anchors you. The practice is simple, but not easy. You need to let go; you do not hold anything nor do you accumulate anything. You just be, aware and let go of everything. There is nothing to achieve. Just sit and be aware. If something needs to happen, it will happen. If nothing happens, then that is what needs to happen. No expectations, no results. Just sit and be aware of the breath. If thoughts come, be aware of it and let it go. Go back to the breath. Keep being aware of the breath and let other things, thoughts, feelings, memories, physical sensations go. Let them come if they want, let them go. The awareness of the breath. At some point: the tummy, the chest, the nostril. Gentle and let everything else go.
Accept everything, your life as it is, pleasure and pain, fame and dishonour, success and failure, the life we have now and just become aware. Be aware of the breath. When other things come up, gently be aware of them and let them go – thoughts, feelings, expectations, beliefs, death, life. When this happens we may really know who we really are, but that cannot be communicated in a way that makes you really understand. Whatever is said is words. Just like one knows the smell of a rose but one cannot describe it.
Things do come up that prevents us from constant awareness – desires, aversions, restlessness, sleepiness, doubt and a mixture of these. They may come for various reasons. Be aware of them and let them go. Ultimately these things happen because we do not know who we really are and that we want something and do not want other things. But if we surrender to just being in the intrinsic awareness, then do they matter…. once we have truly surrendered it does not matter. The problem is to truly surrender to that intrinsic awareness and let it do what it wants to do.
The problem is that we interfere because we think we know what the correct way is and hence we desire certain things and avoid others. whatever experiences arise, good or bad, be with it. The stories of your life, the heart breaks and achievements are like waves on the ocean. If we choose the waves, then we will be tossed up and down and lose them anyway. If we choose the ocean, the intrinsic awareness, then what arises does not matter. They will come and they will go.
Be kind to them, though. Be kind and compassionate to everything, yourself, your surroundings, you family, your friends, enemies, world, universe. Wish that they be free of suffering. Wish that they are blissful and happy. When we live this way, there is fearlessness, courage, rapture, joy, bliss, freedom from desire and satisfaction, serenity, diligence, mindfulness, concentration, wisdom, absence of idle chatter and learning to relax to the present moment and being aware of the intrinsic awareness.
To start, this means to:
- Knowing how things are really in this moment, just as they are, without adding anything else.
- Recognize the space like awareness in which this is all happening.
But life does not happen only in meditation.
There is a life where we do things and interact with people. We need to be aware that suffering happens when we do not accept what happens, when we are not kind and compassionate towards anything. Untruthful, divisive, hurtful or unconscious ways of speaking, killing, stealing, hurting or misusing others sexually leads to suffering. We need to earn our living in a way that does not entail harmful speech and action. The practice of mindfulness and concentration, of resting in our intrinsic awareness helps us being present in all these ways with every aspect of ourselves and the world around us.
Sit for a short period, 30 minutes to one hour, rather than a long period that is unmanageable. Do not want experiences. Just sit and rest in the intrinsic awareness, being aware of the breath. Do it daily and this will nourish you. A certain sense of basic wisdom arises and you become calmer and wiser and start to do things differently. However, do not make a big fuss about it or think you are doing something holy. The key is to keep doing it, no matter what happens, whether you get a “good” meditation or “not”. Everything is as it is and different and realising this helps a lot. You will experience comfortable and uncomfortable things and that is okay. Just be aware and let them go. Be patient. Do not judge your practice; it’s all fine. Have a structure, have a teacher if possible. Awareness that this body and the experiences in this life will one day pass on can help you be grounded. Do not look for something. Be satisfied with this precious moment. Do not look for some kind of special light, some special experience, some special openness. That creates struggle. Let go of wanting special experiences. The ordinary experiences are good enough. Practising in a group may help. Do not ask why you should do it, or how you should do it. You can think of a thousand reasons to do it, a thousand reasons to not do it. You know in your heart that it is good to do it. So do it. Keep calm, have no expectations, surrender and relinquish and stay doing it. The most important thing for practice is to practise and not to give up.
- Sit comfortably.
- Close your eyes.
- Be aware of the sounds within you and outside you. Just let them come to you. Do not reach for them or think about them.
- Be come aware of your breath. Notice whether you are breathing in or breathing out. Not changing the breath in any way. Leave it as it is.
- Notice where you feel the breath strongly: nose, nostrils and upper lip or throat and chest or in your abdomen. Choose one place to rest your awareness.
- As you feel the breath, perhaps name it: in and out, rising and falling, So and Ham, Bud and Dho, etc. This helps concentration but the awareness of the sensation of breath is most important.
- Notice that there be a small pause at the end of inhalation and the end of exhalation. If you notice the pause have a sense of being in your body, a body that is breathing.
- When thoughts or feelings fill the mind, when you become caught in them and are carried away – when you realise this has happened, in a kind voice name this ‘thinking’ and return to the breath.
- Continue..When you end sitting return to the sounds inside and outside and carry this mindfulness into your life.
-reflections from ” Why Can’t I Meditate” by Nigel Wellings.